Saturday, September 18, 2021

A company called BiteLabs claimed that it could make artisanal salami composed of celebrity DNA. They claimed that they could produce meat that has been lab-grown from celebrity tissue. The process included taking a small sample of stem cells which could be used to grow and repair damaged muscles from a celebrity. These cells will then be grown such that they will become millions of cells which would be ground up, mixed with regular meat, spices, fats and oils until desired texture is achieved, after which the ground up meat would be stuffed into casings, dried, aged and cured to get artisanal salami made from celebrity. Their slogan? “Eat celebrity meat.”

BiteLabs claimed that they were offering highly controllable meat production without animal cruelty, waste, and environmental impacts of industrial farming, with the additional upside of the meat being much more than the replicas of beef and pork. The process begins with harvesting myosatellite cells via biopsy from adult muscles whose function was to repair and regrow damaged muscle. They will first of all isolate these cells which provides a base to grow as much meat as required.

The next step is to allow the cells to multiply and develop into actual muscle inside a growth medium, which functions as artificial blood which provides the cells with nutrients and other growth factors. After the growth process is complete, the grown meat is mixed with other types of meats, depending on the recipe and is combined and ground to the desired consistency before being mixed with other spices and ingredients.

Then they stuff the mixed up meat into casings before drying, adding and curing in a low temperature environment then they are packaged for distribution. The nutritional information for these celebrity meats have yet to be released on BiteLabs website so, we do not know how healthy or if they are healthy for consumption at all.

The BiteLabs website shows:

The website solicits help from the public to get these celebrities on board with the hashtag #EatCelebrityMeat. The website has pictures of celebrities like Kanye West, Jennifer Lawrence, Ellen Degenres and James Franco whose meat they would like to grow and make available for human consumption.

The website further cites the merits of celebrity meat. According to BiteLabs, celebrity meats would be grown in eco-friendly conditions. Seventy percent of the world’s farmland is being used for raising animals. This means almost thirty percent of the entire earth’s surface is being used only to raise animals. However, celebrity meat production does not require such a large amount of farmland. In fact, it only requires one percent of the land required for raising farm animals. The amount of farmland needed for traditional farm animal raising makes it unsustainable, according to BiteLabs, which would eventually cause the price of meat to rise out of control.

Another ‘upside’ to celebrity meats is that they are not affected by the growth hormones administered to farm animals and will not be in contact with pesticides and any other chemicals used in industrial farming. The nutritional content (which is still unknown) will be rigorously controlled. Raising the meats in the laboratories also makes sure that they do not come in contact with any dirt and avoid infections as Bite Labs is a clean space where safer and healthier products can be grown. So these meats would be grown with respect to the health of consumers.

So according to BiteLabs, you can now literally eat James Franco and get a “smoky, sexy, and smooth.” taste. You could also get the JLaw salami, complemented with rabbit and pork and this particular meat promises to be entertaining. Kanye West would be heavy and boldly flavored with jalapeno and paprika while Ellen salami would be blended with ostrich, black pepper and garlic which would result in a highly approachable and well flavored blend. The idea of any celebrity agreeing to have their muscles harvested for something as bizarre as producing meat or that the public would rather eat human meat even with the process this BiteLabs claims to follow is not only absurd but too close to cannibalism for anyone’s comfort. First of all, many have been sent to jail because of cannibalism. Granted, they must have murdered the human first but still.

Another thing to consider is the fact that the supposed cleanness of these celebrity meats can be brought into question. Human beings move around a lot and a lot of us have very bad habits that we pick up in our daily lives. Studies have shown that an autopsy on a human body can tell a lot about places they have been, things they had eaten among others. Alcohol consumption levels can also be tested for in muscles. Imagine the celebrity we are “eating” is an alcoholic or drug addict. The muscles retain and sometimes are modified by the different chemicals we are in touch with or use, especially those we use on a regular basis. Any meat grown out of such celebrity, has retained whatever chemicals they have been using. Apart from drugs and alcohol, there are also skin care products, most of which are chemical based which are absorbed by the body. What about plastic surgery? Consider the effects of these factors on the “celebrity meats”.

BiteLabs also claims to save space and that it is eco-friendly as it would only need to occupy one percent of the amount of land needed to produce animals. Have we considered that in the Ecosystem, animals have their own part to play? Imagine eating only meat. Farm animals produce milk, eggs and wool among others. They claim farm animals are dirty, but the dirt they produce is used as manure to help fertilize the soil and boost vegetation. Let us not forget the large number of jobs the farmland occupying thirty percent of the world’s land creates. And as it goes with anything artificially grown, the true taste and flavor is always lost in the process.

The Truth

Is BiteLabs really offering ‘celebrity meat’? The answer is no. It is satire – there is no truth to the story at all. In fact, BiteLabs isn’t real and this story has been around for quite sometime now, but we thought we’d cover it due to so many people looking for information on this. We believe the person behind this stunt did it purely for the humor. And we have to admit; it’s pretty funny.

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